Truth be told by Brother Utoy
Posted by exodians on February 8, 2009
“Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven!”
I’m not very familiar with the idea of exposurists and regency though in my own formation, I also left the formation and was an ex-seminarian for a year. My mother was very sick and I had to earn the money for her medications.
I remember I maintained contact with my formators and was meeting an appointed priest to be my regular Spiritual Director (SD.)
This set-up facilitated my re-entry to the congregation.
Truth be told, my short experience of leaving the seminary left an impact on me: The first month is marked by a terrible sadness.
It is as if I have to mourn for my act of leaving the seminary. Daw naotod bala ang imong kamot o napatay ang usa sa imong pinalanga nga paryintes. <edited> (amo na iya nga feelings mga toto, mga bro … )
It is a kind of depression that non-seminarians would never understand.
I realized that even though I have the support of my congregation, I am in fact alone.
I am left to my own devices as to what should I do with my vocation. That made me think of other seminarians who were cut of from their formation, and the ordeal they have to go through to survive, much more, to sustain their calling.
I’ve known many ex-seminarians and sadly, they’ve gone astray and had lost hope.
What is more saddening is that they’re actually good vocations; something just got wrong along the way and it can be remedied easily. But the seminary won’t do anything about it.
Funny how the Church has programs for unwed mothers, for migrant youths, for displaced squatters, for the deaf and blind of the community but not a program for ex-seminarians.
They themselves know how difficult the passage from seminary to outside world is, they know how wounded and hurting these formandis are.
Kaya nga, I’m glad there’s EXODIANS, kasi it is some kind of a support group who really knows and feels how it is to be an ex-seminarian, a group that can hear out the voices of their fellow brothers who, in spite of their present status, still hope to serve the Mother Church the best they can.
To my brother seminarians who are outside the formation, I have two words for you:
1. GO WEST. If vocations are just wasted in the Philippines, there are countries abroad who looking for them, especially the North American and European countries. Wait not for the sympathy of your former formators. Take some risks!
2. Move on. You have a responsibility to sustain your calling. There’s no point diminishing the dignity of your vocation by begging your former seminary to accept you back. If they are deaf for God’s call for you, there are others out there who are willing to listen with you, tiyak yun. (for sure!)
Remember that at this point, the ball is at your court, you must make an answer to the difficult challenge imposed on your vocation, and your answer must be:
creative, depending on the circumstance you are in.