EXODIANS

Netizens of The Word

Gitik-gitik, makalingaw

babae: nong! sakay ko!
drivr: cge! asa man ka?
bbae: diha lang sa kanto! naay bayad ang bata?
drivr: ay libre lang kay duol man.
bbae: ah, ang mosabak naay bayad?
drivr: wala gihapon!
bbae: cge nak! sabaka ko…

BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema MO lang, problema NATIN dahil
nagmamahalan tayo. ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis NATIN si inday at TAYO ang ama..

Customer: Day, kape.
Tindera: Tag P10 na ra ba.
Customer: Diba tag P8 ra na?
Tindera: Nimahal naman gud ang gasolina.
Customer: Ah, ayaw na lang butangig gasolina!

BISAYA: Pabili nga ng lemoncito.
TINDERA: Anong lemoncito?
BISAYA: Lemoncito gud.. yong maliit na buongon!

TEACHER: give me a tag question.
PUPIL: My teacher is beautiful, isn’t she?
TEACHER: Very good! Ibinisaya dong.
PUPIL: Ang akong maestra gwapa, wa sya kuyapi?

bana: love, promise sugod karon di na tika luiban. ako nang biyaan ang akong kabit
asawa: wow, tenk you love, ako sad promise, ang sunod natong anak,
ikaw nay amahan. promise jud!

security: excuse me po mam, titingnan ko lang ang bag yo kung
merong baril .
tiguwang: buang ka! di man gani maigo ang balde sa akong bag,
baril pa kaha!

anak: ma, busog nako, dili nako mahurot
mama: hutda dyud na! kabaw baka nga daghan gipang gutom sa kalibutan?
anak: nya kung ako ni hutdon, mabusog sila?!

pasyente: doc, regular lagi ko malibang. kad alas 7 sa buntag
doctor: maayu nuon na! unsa may problema?
pasyente: 8 am man gud ko maka mata!
doctor: toink!

bana: gang, naka-save ko ug 6.00 karon kay ako na man gigukod ang
jeep, wala man ko mu sakay
asawa: bogo! taxi unta imung gigukod aron mas dako imong na-save

Doc: Ma’am, naa kay breast cancer.
Ma’am: ha? tinuod ka doc? dili man ko katuo sa imong gisulti! i’m
healthy! naa pa ka second opinion?
Doc: Bati pa jud kag nawong!

ATTY: asa ka pagkahitabo sa rape?
JUN: sa kamaisan
ATTY: nag-unsa ka didto?
JUN: nalibang!
ATTY: pila ka kadupa gikan sa krimen?
JUN: naa bay malibang magdupa-dupa?… . Ayaw pagbugal-bugal ‘torni uy!

Hinaut nga nalingaw kamo sa gitik-gitik!

11 Responses to “Gitik-gitik, makalingaw”

  1. Leroy Panes said

    He he kataw anan bay. Nawili gid ako…damo pa da?

  2. el kapitan said

    We are on again, and padayon sa pagbugsay aron makab-ot ang ginapaninguha nga kalipay. Padayon sa paglupad aron makapaambit sa iban.

    El Kapitan

  3. Val Villarta said

    Ok jud mga bro….., post p dw damo be.jejejejej

  4. From:
    http://untoldpinoystories.blogspot.com/

    “The government was indeed beyond cooperative. In one scene where the lead actor was supposed to smoke opium with a woman after they had sex, the acclaimed director admitted that he did not know how to execute the scene because he did not know how to smoke opium. So, the government came to his rescue. The government brought an actual prisoner (who was then serving time in jail for a narcotic-related offense) to the film set and he was instructed to show to the acclaimed film director how to smoke opium. The ecstatic prisoner had the time of his life smoking opium leisurely while the acclaimed film director and the cops watch. After the prisoner had finished smoking the opium, he was led back to his prison cell.”

  5. doods said

    hehehe, lingaw gyud. nia pa dugang…

    GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan?
    Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na “Sugarfree.”
    GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!

    Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
    Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
    Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
    Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

    Doc: kambal anak mo, sister mo nagbigay ng names?
    Ina: eh tanga yun doc, ano pinangalan sa mga anak ko?
    Doc: sa girl, DENICE.
    Ina : aba, ok yun! eh sa boy?
    Doc: DENEPHEW..

    In a petshop….
    Customer (talking to a parrot): “Hoy! can you speak ha? can you speak? BOBO!’….
    Parrot: “Yes, I can! Ikaw? Can you fly, ha? Can you fly? GAGO!”

    Magkaibigan kumakain….
    Pedro : Anong palaman ng tinapay mo?
    Juan : Kiso!
    Pedro : Kiso? Ano ka ba nakakahiya ka! Hindi yan kiso! Chess yan.. CHESS!!

    Anong tawag sa uod na nasa gitna ng kalsada??…..e di
    matapang!! hehehe

    Baliw1: bakit ang airplane, pag umiikot ang elisi, umaangat sa lupa?? bakit ung bintilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa rin??
    Baliw2: Tanga ka pala e! kasi yung bintilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!

    3 Baliw sa Mental nagku2wentuhan. ..
    B1: ako presidente dito!
    B2: wala ka sa akin! ako si obama, presidente sa america !
    B1: cno nagsabi?
    B2: Ang Diyos !
    B3: At kelan kita sinabihan??

    Q: Bakit tahimik magbukas ng medicine ang tanga??…..
    A: Ayaw niyang magising ang mga sleeping pills. Nyahaha!!

    Teacher: jigs, ano susunod sa 7?
    Jigs: 8 po!
    Teacher: sa 2?
    Jigs: 3 po!
    Teacher: ang galing mo! sino nagturo sayo?
    Jigs: tatay ko po!
    Teacher: O sige, ano susunod sa 10?
    Jigs: Jack po!

  6. doNya gaNda said

    hahha’ kakatawa nman.. eto rin:

    baliw1: ang sikip naman dito sa kama, kailangan bumaba ung isa
    baliw2: (bumaba)
    baliw3: o ayan maluwag na, halika bumalik kana!

    Paano mo sasabihin sa kaibigan mo na maitim ang kanyang kili-kili na hindi sya nasasaktan?

    simply lng…

    excuse me miga, Kiwi imong deodorant?

    ERAP: doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken bone.
    DOC: is it choking?
    ERAP: it’s max’s.
    DOC: i didnt mean chowking…i said, r u choking?
    ERAP: no.. im serious!

  7. jojoy said

    LOL, ito nman sa akin.

    HAVIT: MANNY, paki acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman,
    late dumating, ayun kadadaan lang tabi ng ringside.,
    PACMAN: i wud like to acknowledge da ARRIVAL OF
    DA LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.

    ———- ——— ——— —
    Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu anu magandang name?
    Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin… “MANKY”….
    Pacquiao: honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
    Jinky: lambing mo talaga. mwah !! nasan ang sweets honey?
    Pacquiao: yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita…ang dilim!!
    ———- ——— ——-
    Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa General Santos.
    Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong
    lugar…GenSan?
    Manny: ah, yun ba? uhmm…eh… ang masasabi ku lang diyan ay…
    Reporter: ano..?
    Manny: ahh, kwan,…maraming Fish sa GenSan pero wala masyado umo-order.

    ———- ——— ——
    Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
    Manny: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang
    napupusuan?
    Freddie: Meron… Manhid ka lang!

    ———- ——— ——-
    Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
    Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal.. =)
    ———- ——— —
    -Sa Las Vegas-
    Waiter: May i take ur order, madam?
    Aling Dionisia: Soup
    Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
    Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!
    ———- ——— ——— –
    ‘you is!’
    ‘you is!’
    you is!’
    -sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika. Andito na ako sa ‘you is!’
    ———- ——–

    Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang
    pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
    Manny: oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
    Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
    Manny: Talaga ‘nay? Anu?
    Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)

  8. darbs said

    Nia ang forwarded email nga kuno kung nalingaw ko pagbasa ipasa. Dili man ko hilig mo-forward ug mga email so dinhi ko na lang ipaskil ang maong email.

    Subject: Mangatawa sa ta ….

    Dear Anak,
    NIDO na lang ang ipa dala sa amo sa sunod nimong pagpadala ug mga groceries. Nagkalibanga si Tatay mo nianing Nivea Cream Milk.

    Nanay
    ____________ __

    Sulat balos ni Nanay kang Ate, OFW sa Japan :
    Dear Anak,
    Sa sunod ayaw nami padad-i aning green nga totpaste. nakahilak sa kahalang si Tatay nimo. Dili kuno niya type ang brand WASABE.
    Salamat,
    Nanay

    ____________ __
    PANGHIMANGNO sa mga tao nga
    Dili mokaon ug tambok
    Dili manigarilyo
    Dili mobilar ug
    Dili moinom ug bino.
    Usa ka adlaw mawad-an rakag mga higala, Buhi paka, Patay na sila tanan!
    ____________ ___
    Food for the rich – SUTOKIL (SUgba, TOla, KIniLaw)
    Food for the poor – GIPUSIL (GInamos, PUso, SILi)
    Food for the very poor – GITUOK (GInamos , giTUntungan sa OK-OK!!)
    ____________ ____
    Empleyado: Boss, namatay diay atong manager, pwede ba ako nalang mopuli sa iyang pwesto ?
    Boss: Pwde man, pero ambot kaha ug mosugot ang funeraria .
    ____________ ___
    Conduktor: Sibog-sibog gamay kay mularga na ta. Kanang imong anak, ‘Noy, sabaka lang na.
    Amahan: Nabuang na! Nisakay gani mi kay nagdali unya sa BAKA na hinuon nimo pasakyon akong anak?!!!
    ____________ ____
    DONYA: Kay bago man ka dinhi, gusto ko masayod ka nga ang pamahaw diri alas sais impunto!
    MAID: Way problema Nyora! Kung tulog pa ko anang orasa, una nalang mo ug ka-on!!
    ____________ ___
    PATIENTE: Dok, ngano gasakit man akong dughan kada inom nako ug coke? Pero kung libre, dili lagi mosakit?
    DOK: Ah, kabalo nako ana. Nipis imong baga, pero baga imong nawong !!!
    ____________ ___
    BOY: Sir, apply unta ko pagka-boy.
    AMO: Sige, bahugan nimo ang iro kada buntag ug hotdog, corn beef ug chorizo
    BOY: Kining Sir, apply nalang ko pagka-iro. Aw! aw! aw!
    ____________ ___
    GUEST to Motel Receptionist: Tagpila room ninyo diri?
    RECEPTIONIST: Depende Sir, Special or Ordinary na room?
    GUEST: Unsa man kalainan ?
    RECEPTIONIST : Special, naay masahista ug TV. Ang Ordinary, naay TB ang masahista!!
    ____________ _____
    GUESTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS SA USA KA EVENT PROGRAM:
    Organizer: Paki acknowledge si Mayor, nalate, tua o mao pay pag-agi.
    EMCEE: I would like to acknowledge the arrival of the late mayor who just passed away.

    Nalingaw ka……? hehehehe…. ipasa sa uban…

  9. darbs said

    Another forwarded email.

    One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

    He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

    A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake20it off and take a step up.

    As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

    Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

    Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

    1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
    2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.
    3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
    4. Give more.
    5. Expect less

    NOW ——–
    Enough of that crap . .

    The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

    MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:
    When you do something wrong and try to=2 0cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

    you have two choices…smile and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the fun.
    I know what I did!!

  10. darbs said

    JOKE! JOKE! JOKE!
    Source: from email

    Every second glass of beer reduces life by 5 minutes.
    Each sex trip increases life by 10 mintues.
    So the basic equation is: Ang palahubog nga sige itot dugay mamatay. He he

    BF: Honey, hapiton tike. Mosirbato lang ko kung naa na ko sa gate.
    GF: Ok, magdala kag jeep o kotse???
    BF: Dili. . . serbato RA!

    BF to virgin GF, as they started having sex. . .
    BF: If it hurts, made cow sounds and I’ll stop. But if it feels good, just sing.
    (5 minutes later)
    GF: mOo. . . mOo. . .
    mOon river. . .

    Sweethearts watching the sky. . .
    BOY: Bhe, ano ang horroscope mo?
    GIRL: Anong horroscope?
    BOY: Parang kapalaran ba, gaya sa akin, Cancer.
    GIRL: Ah, sa akin, Almoranas!!!

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