EXODIANS

Netizens of The Word

Joke time na sab

Forwarded email
Subject: Joke time na sab

To the sender: Thanks, Belle!

REPORTER:Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness
or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police:DNA na…
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: “Di Namin Alam ”
============ ========= ==
Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay
nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng
kasalanan ko!”
============ ========= ===
“Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK:Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh!
Lumuhod tayo!”
============ ========= ====
Employee:boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun
pwesto sa manager natin na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya,
ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.
============ ========= =====
bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa
ang lipad?
bobo2:hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!
============ ========= =====
Boy:Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay:Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy:Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase.
Ang tinuro ni ma’am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!
============ ========= =====
Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his
translator:
Bush:”Lets help one another…”
Erap: “Tayo’y magtulungan. ….”
Bush: “…let’s strive together…”
Erap: “…tayo’y magsikap…”
Bush: “…because in union there is strength.”
Erap:”…dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!”
============ ========= ====
Bongbong– Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit–Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong– Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit–Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol
ko.
============ ========= ======
Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
ArnoldScharzene. .. … (delete)
ArnoldSchwarze. .. … (delete)
ArnoldSchwarzz. .. … (delete)
ArnoldShwazenne. .. . ..(delete)
ArnoldShwazenner. . . ..(delete)
ArnoldShwarzenneg. . ..(delete)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. .. (delete)
Arnold Clavio
============ ========= ======
Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils
mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)

Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm … sundutin mo pwet mo
(pare 1
sinundot ang pwet …)

Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo …
pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!
============ ========= ====
Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang
laman!
============ ========= =========
Pare1:Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang
syota? wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang! (hihihihi! )
============ ========= ========= =
Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess:Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger:Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ lang po
============ ========= ========= ===
TEACHER:Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres
Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT:Ma’am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay
pinanganak ng holiday! ?
============ ========= ========= =
TITSER: Juan, use recharge &caffeine in a sentence.
JUAN: Si “Recharge” Gutierrez ay si “Caffeine”
Barbell. ?
============ ========= ========= ====
BUNSO:Tay , may multo daw sa kusina natin?
TATAY:Anak, sino naman nagsabi sayo nyan?
BUNSO: Si ate po!
TATAY: Ay nako, wag ka nga magpapaniwala dun! Wala
namang multo eh! Ang mabuti pa samahan mo na lang
ako sa kusina, at iinom lang ako ng tubig…
============ ========= ========= =
PROMDI: Lam ko promdi lang ako kaya wag mo kong
lolokohin! Bakit ganito ang kwarto ko?!?! Maliit,
wala pang kama at bintana….. ha?!?!
ROOMBOY: Sir, nasa elevator pa lang po tayo…
============ ========= ========= ===
MRS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR: Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko,
nagkainuman lang. Hehe! Hik,
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik
MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka
nagka-officemates?
============ ========= ========= ==
Jun-Jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng
titser namin kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
Jun-Jun: “Sino ang walang assignment?”
============ ========= ========= =
Titser:Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
Juan: Kuwadrado po, maam!
Titser: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
Juan: Pero maam, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya
ang APAT na sulok ng mundo. May sulok po ba ang
bilog?
============ ========= =========
Thelma:Sabi mo, dok, safe ang calendar method. Eh,
bakit ako nabuntis?
Dok:Paano nyo ba ginamit ang kalendaryo?
Thelma: Ginawa naming banig.
============ ========= ========= =
Boss asks sexy secretary to a dinner after overtime:
Are you free tonight?
The sexy secretary replies: Sir, ha… huwag naman,
FREE… Bibigyan na lang kita ng discount!
============ ========= ========= =
Girl: Maganda ba ko?
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka…
Girl:Hindi naman ako mukhang Bumbay, ah?! Tisay yata
to!
Boy: Oo nga, pero ‘yung amoy mo, Bumbayin!
============ ========= ========= ==
Gumimik sa mall ang tatlong binatilyo…
Jepoy: SYET! Ang cute nung girl!
Kevin:Sexy pa! Grabe!
Nathan:Sino? Yung naka-mini skirt, na red? Yun, yun
ba? Ha? Kilala ko siya! Teka tatawagin ko ha,
kuyaaahhh Ambet!
============ ========= ========= =
Eliseo: Sobra na talaga ang katangahan ng kumare mo.
Ang akala niya, ang LAWSUIT ay uniporme ng pulis!
JoshuA:Sus! Tanga nga! Eh di ba, uniporme ng abugado
yun?!
============ ========= ========= ==
Host: Ano po ang maipaglilingkod ko sa inyo?
Tanda: Pwede ho bang manawagan?
Host: Ilang taon na po kayo?
Tanda: 98 y/o na po ako.
Host: Wow! Ang tanda nyo na pala! O, sige po…
manawagan na kayo.
Tanda: Itay, umuwi na kayo! Hindi na nagagalit si
Lolo sa inyo!
============ ========= ========= ======
Namatay ang isang mister na babaero. Sa requiem
mass, sinabi ng pari patungkol sa namatay, “An
honest man, a good man, a family man” et cetera.
Binulungan ng biyuda ang panganay na anak, Pakisilip
nga ang kabaong kung ang daddy mo nga ang nasa
loob!”

AND THE FAVORITE:

Sa isang ospital…
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo

3 Responses to “Joke time na sab”

  1. darbs said

    To a friend…if it is the end but understand if hope is at hand. tawa mas masaya kaysa iyakan blues.

    Sa isang ospital…
    Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
    Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
    Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo

  2. darbs said

    Sunday Joke from a forwarded email.

    Subject: Catholic Coffee

    Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

    The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

    The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

    The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”

    The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

    Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”

    She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24″ stomach, and 34” hips. When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”

    Well? Here comes the “Smile an Everlasting Smile” from Beegees…

  3. darbs said

    Forwarded Email: The promise of laughter according to the forwarder and the same promise in the introduction. Truth is I did not read it yet. Hope this is good. Enjoy!

    Forwarded Joke:

    IF THIS STORY DOESN’T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I’LL PRAY FOR YOU.

    THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.?

    THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND’S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

    EVERY MORNING, SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF, BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.

    HE TOLD HER HE COULDN’T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL.

    SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR; SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT!

    THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT…..

    THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS….. AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

    SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS, WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.
    SOME TIME LATER, SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS, AS HE RAN INTO THE BATHROOM.

    THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.

    ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS, WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE.

    SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.

    HE SAID, ‘HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT. ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU!’

    ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN?’ ASKED HIS WIFE.

    ‘WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED! BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.’

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